Juan F. Pérez Home Page
I don’t quite understand whether it was real or a dream. I only remember that it was late and I was sitting on my favorite sofa with a good book on my hands. I was tired and I began to nod.
In that world between asleep and awake I found myself in a huge room, it was not a particular room except for a wall full of drawers like you find in a library. The drawers went from the floor to the ceiling and looked like there was no end on sight. Each drawer had a different name. When I got close, one of the titles called my attention:
“Girls that I have loved”.
Without paying much attention I opened it and started to read the cards inside. All of the sudden I realized that I recognized the name on each one of them. They were the Girls that I have loved!
I started to realize where I was. This huge room with its endless drawers represented my existence. There I could find each one of the actions of my life even the small ones that I had forgotten.
I started to feel a sensation of curiosity, expectation, and wonder when I started to open the drawers randomly, to explore what they contain.
Some made me happy and brought me sweet remembrances. Others, on the contrary, gave me a feeling of shame and guilt so intense that I had to turn to see if someone was watching me.
The file “Friends” was next to the “Friends that I have betrayed” and “Friends that I have abandoned when they needed me the most”
The titles went from the ordinary to the ridiculous.
The titles kept amazing me. In some drawers there were more cards than the ones I thought would be and in others less.
I was amazed by the volume of the information that I have compiled about my life. How could I have the time to write each one of these millions of cards?
But each card confirms the truth. Each card had my signature and was handwritten.
I became dumb founded when I saw the drawer “Songs that I have listened to”, when I discovered that it did not have an end in sight. I felt ashamed not for the quality of the music but because it showed how much time I have wasted.
When I arrived to the drawer “Impure thoughts”, a tremble ran throughout my body.
I only open the drawer a few inches… I was ashamed to discover its depth.
Randomly I took a card out and I read it. I felt sick knowing that “this” moment hidden in obscurity had been recorded.
I didn’t need to see any more…
An animal instinct came out of me. A thought dominated my mind. No one should ever see these cards. No one should ever enter into this room… I have to destroy it!
With insane feelings I pulled on a drawer, I had to empty it and burn the cards that it contained.
But I discovered that I could neither empty nor could I burn the cards. I realized that I could not even dislodge a single one from the drawer.
I became desperate and tried to yank even harder, only to discover that they were harder than steel when I tried to rip them.
Defeated and completely defenseless, I returned the drawer to its place.
Placing my head against the endless bookcase, invincible witness to my miseries I started to cry.
Then the title of one of the drawers made me feel a little bit better. “People with whom I have shared the Gospel”.
The handle shined when I opened it I found less than 10 cards. Once more tears came to my eyes. I was crying from the depth of my being. I could not even take a breath. I fell to the floor crying in shame.
A new thought came to my head: No one should enter this room, I need to find the key and lock it permanently.
While I dried my tears, I saw him.
Oh no!!, please don’t!!, not Him!!, anyone but Jesus.
Helpless, I saw how Jesus opened the drawers, and read each card. I could not stand to look at his reaction.
At that moment I didn’t want to meet his eyes.
Intuitive Jesus drew near the worse drawers.
Why does he have to read them all?
With sadness in his eyes he looked into mine, I lowered my head with shame; I put my hands on my face and started to cry once more.
He came near, put his hands on my shoulders.
He could have said many things. But he did not speak.
He stood next to me, in silence.
That was the day that Jesus kept silence… and cried with me.
And returning to the drawers, from one side to the other side of the room, started to open them and one by one and on each card he signed his name over mine.
Oh NO!!, I screamed running toward HIM.
The only thing I could say was NO!!, NO!!
When I ripped the card from his hands. His name didn’t need to be in those cards. Those weren’t his sins they were mine!!.
But there it was. Written in crimson. His name covered mine, written in his own blood.
He took the card from my hand, he looked at me with a sad smile and continued signing cards.
I don’t understand how he did it so quickly.
The next instance I saw him closing the last drawer and come to me.
He gave a tender look and said to me: “It is done, it is finished, I am carrying your shame and guilt.
At that moment both left the room…Room that still is open… because there are more cards to be filled…
I still don’t know if it was a dream or a reality…but, of what I am convinced, is that the next time that Jesus returns to that room, he will find more cards that will make him happy, less wasted time and less vanity and shameful cards.
Last time this page was edited July 24, 2014